Today...another of "those days." It's been three month since Woody died...in some ways it seems much longer ago and in others just a very short time. I did a little thinking back over these past... four months...really. Lots of things have happened in these last months...hospitals with Woody, hospice with Woody, then...home...alone. There have been lots of tasks to accomplish to keep me busy. Most of the necessary tasks are complete...at least, the ones I am aware of. I find myself just sort of floating through life, at times. Sometimes I have great plans to accomplish a lot...and then find myself just thinking through plans and not actually doing them. Sometimes, I find myself just too tired to do anything...other times my energy comes in spurts and I accomplish a ilttle for a little while. I guess this is all part of getting used to being alone after all these years. I am so thankful for family and friends and my church. They are all there for me when I need them. There are times that I prefer to be alone and other times when I am glad to be surrounded by others. I am thankful for the home that Woody provided me and the feeling of security I have. Over the years since Woody was diagnosed with 4th-stage-metastatic melanoma, we had prepared for his eventual death. God gave us almost sixteen years to prepare. There were so many times this year, that we thought we were going to lose him, but he rallied and we once again had more time to prepare. June was the third time this year that he was taken to the hospital and I thought that he wasn't going to come home. This time I was pretty sure that he wouldn't. He had gotten so weak and could do so little for himself any more that I "just knew" that even if he rallied that he probably could not be cared for at home any more. Actually the doctors at Vanderbilt in Nashville told me that he could not go back home. So I had those weeks to get used to the idea of him not coming home. Each time I came home for a couple of days over those weeks, I would look around and remind myself that he would not be coming home. And, I am so thankful that he didn't have to go to a long-time care center. All this to say, that a lot of my grieving happened over the years since his diagnosis...at the time of his diagnosis he was given less than a year to live. Almost 16 years later the time came for the final good bye...never easy. At first I was so tired that I just sort of sleep walked through the days. Then there were all the tasks to accomplish that kept my body and mind busy. Now...things have slowed down. I think I am more rested, though, I could do better with more sleep. Reality has settled in just a little more...sometimes I am fine...sometimes not so much...but all in all "things" are going along fairly well. I thank God for standing beside me and getting me through this. Tonight's photo shows the wall hanging that I finally got around to completing today...one of those tasks that I have wanted to do but kept letting it sit there. This piece was stitched by my grandmother, as I mentioned, a long time ago. I now have to get the motivation to put it in place on my wall! I am hanging it in a grouping that has to do with "home." I thought that this "Open Door" piece was appropriate to join my other pieces. I have been to prayer meeting. We met at the fountain in our church's park across from the sanctuary. A very peaceful setting and we actually got a few drops of rain on us...one of the few drops that we have gotten over the last days. I watered some very thirsty plants today...not sure that all will revive...but then it is at that time of year when plants are starting to fade away. To be continued. Be safe! Be well! Be cautious!
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