Tuesday, October 6, 2020

Major Change in Our Lives

Woody and I are just not much for change...not in anything...I believe in putting down roots and letting them grow deep! Woody worked for the same company his whole working career...the only change was moving to California for a two-year period where he worked for the same company...just different heads of the company (Air Force here and NASA in CA). As soon as it was appropriate, Woody let it be known that if an opening came up in TN that we wanted to return to Tullahoma...we didn't like the CA change in our lives. Since our return, (Nathan was one) we have owned two homes...we moved to this house when Woody's mother moved to TN after Woody's father died. His mom moved into our former home and we moved to our present location (Nathan in 6th grade). When Nathan approached me one time about the fact that probably we wouldnt live in this house forever, I let him know that my plan is to leave this house in a box! I love our house and have no intentions to move...unless absolutely necessary. I believe that it can be adapted to our needs as we grow older...after all, haven't we found places for ALL the dialysis supplies and managed to set up the family room for Woody's dialysis treatments!?! Fourteen years ago, Nathan, Kathy, Graham, Abigail, and Joy moved in next door...what a unique situation! It seemed ideal while the children were small and as their family grew. We helped them out and they helped us out. We have been through lots of things together. They were here for us when Woody went through all his treatments for Melanoma and beyond! We were there for them to help care for the children at various times and help with homeschooling. We have become an extended household...just under two roofs...sharing ovens, pantry items (shopping at one Dorrell or the other's "store"), borrowing household items, etc., etc. With the pandemic we have seen each other less often, but still cross paths most days...I, at least, see them out the window...or visit with them outside. But...all that is going to change. We have no inclination to ever move again, and they need change/adventure in their lives. I guess we are stay-in-one-place people...they are not. The Covid pandemic has kept them home more than they have ever been before. We haven't been needed to feed cats, take out garbage, check on things, pick up mail, etc. while they are were on their ministry trips, since there haven't been many ministry trips, though those are picking up once again. They no longer need us for child care. My help with their schooling got put on hold, or so I thought, just until we figured out the dialysis schedule and also due to Covid. But it looks like I can finally say that I am retired (15 years after I retired from Ray's Montessori after teaching there 27 years)! So...all of the above has been said to, in a round-about way, to say that they are packing up...probably as I type this, and are moving to a small farm outside of the Tullahoma city limits..."just" ten miles away...at the moment that ten miles may as well be 10,000 miles...and, really, I would rather they had told me they were leaving to go on the mission field...that...I could accept. I have told them that I can't deal emotionally with Woody's health situation and their move. I am allowing myself to be selfish in order to get through each day...I just have too much on my plate to even talk about their move with them. So discussion is off limits about "the move"...we will just carry on over here on our own as much as possible. Independence is the key word these days...I'm trying not to even text next door to request a light bulb change...we've got to learn to do those "little" things ourselves all over again. They told us that their move was definitely going to happen just as Woody and I were starting dialysis training, so all my concentration had to be on Woody and the training. I will admit to feeling abandoned...this is just not a time that we need to feel alone...and, no matter how often they say that they will be here for us...it will never be the same...that next door security is lost. So "the neighbors" will be no more...our unique relationship due to living next door will be no more...our relationship with our grandchildren will never be the same...the youngest two will lose their unique "next door" relationship with us...they won't remember heading over to Grammy's and Goosey's to play with the toys in the toy closet...or to have school...or to just sit on the front porch and bird watch. I am so emotionally torn/drained that I have to separate myself totally from even thinking about it or I won't be able to function...so...this will be my only mention of "the move." And, Woody is so quiet about it there is no telling what this is doing to him...he made a major offer to keep them from moving...but to no avail. They can go off and live their dream...(and, I always finish that statement with "while we stay here and live our nightmare.") Woody's comment last night sums it all up: "Obviously they don't have grandchildren." And, I add to that "perhaps one day they will understand when one of their children breaks their hearts." I will end this saying how much we will miss the joyful laughter of our grandchildren as they run through both our yards playing. I already miss the stepping stones that connected our households (I made them take them up as I didn't want to be connected to a stranger's house.) Woody and I will treasure in our hearts the 14 years we've had as neighbors...but once they move...Woody's and my life/heart will be missing major pieces...nine to be exact...plus two kitties. So...it's back to being a single household of two rather than unique joint households of eleven! In this instance change has been forced upon us...I guess, we will unwillingly have to accept it with heavy hearts. Be safe! Be well! Be Cautious!

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